Yeah...I'm not going to be doing this.
First of all, I really don't know that I have enough hours in the day already, and to add more to my already full plate seems to go against everything I have been trying to do in terms of making my life less stressful...so there's that.
Secondly, I highly doubt that attempting to go 75 days without chocolate will actually help me to lose the weight I want to lose. I will inevitably screw up, eat some chocolate, and then say Well, Lauren, you've already thrown the day away, why stop with the one chocolate? Why not just keep eating whatever you want to eat until the next time you decide to make a change? This has happened approximately 2,567 times during my adult life up to this point, so it's foolish to think that 75 Hard is going to change all that.
Finally, this is a fad. It sounds intriguing, it sound badass, but I need to be totally honest about what it is. It is a FAD. It's not sustainable (I haven't even been able to make it a day, really), and I just don't think it's right for me.
However, I SO wanted it to be right for me. I want the fix. I want the program that sounds exciting, challenging, elusive, and has the ability to give me a true sense of accomplishment. I felt like maybe, just maybe, if I could push myself hard enough to do something like this, I would finally be able to see the results I have been dreaming of forever.
Instead, upon reflection, I think what I need to really try to do is figure out how to live in the land of moderation. It's unrealistic to say that I'm never going to eat chocolate again. Even if I could make it 75 days without having a treat (and I'm sure I could if I had to), there is no way that I would stick with that after the 75 days were finished, and I could see myself gaining a whole lot of weight back quickly. This already happened to me this summer. After being so sick this spring that I really wasn't eating much of anything, I lost almost 25 pounds. What happened this summer, as soon as I was able to start eating again? The weight started coming back. I've put almost six pounds back on already.
What I've realized is that I don't know how to do things in moderation. I don't. I either do all of the portfolios in a week's time, or no portfolio work during the entire week. I either eliminate all vices, or allow all vices at all times, with no regard for their consequences...until I am staring their consequences straight in the face (for example, the number on the scale, the pain in my stomach, or the exhaustion I feel after having stayed up to watch three back to back episodes of a show into the wee hours of a school night/morning). I don't finish a book for six weeks, and then I finish three in one week's time. No moderation. I don't know how to do things in moderation, and I am starting to wonder if THAT has been my problem all along. Not my sweet tooth, not my aversion to hard exercise, and not even the laziness that seems to plague me all too frequently. I'm wondering if the issue is that I have never learned what doing things in moderation looks or feels like.
So here is my first step towards cultivating an understanding of moderation. While walking back from breakfast this morning, we passed Randy's Donuts. Since there was no line, we stopped, and I thought about buying a dozen. I really did. That's what I would usually do--why not, right? I knew they were going to be good, and everyone is talking about them, so why not indulge and enjoy? However, I heard Julia tell the woman behind the counter that she would be buying four donuts. Of course, Lauren. She has four in her family, just like you do. You don't need to buy a dozen donuts. Buy four donuts--one for each of you. So I did.
I bought the chocolate long john filled with more chocolate, and upon arriving at home, in my empty apartment, I ate every bite and enjoyed every bite. I drank a big glass of milk with it, and am still thinking about how delicious a treat it was. Now, could I have eaten a second donut? Yes. I absolutely could have. It was delicious, and though very sweet and very decadent, I definitely could have eaten another. However, I don't think I would be sitting here feeling the same way, had I eaten a second donut. I think instead of thinking about how delicious it was, I would be thinking about how overly full I felt, and how I had just eaten way too many calories, and how I was such a bad, weak person for giving in and eating a donut.
Were there a lot of calories in the donut and milk that I just consumed? Oh, absolutely there were. But you know what? There weren't as many in that one donut and glass of milk as there are in two or three, and if I had brought home two or three more donuts, I can tell you right now that I wouldn't have waited until tomorrow to eat the others. I would have more than likely eaten all of them over the course of the day today. Guess what else? I did CrossFit this morning, and walked to TravelMaker and back. It's not even 1:00 in the afternoon, and I've already burned 698 move calories today. Yes, the donut was a ton...but if I don't eat any more donuts today, and am sensible about my food choices for the rest of the day, and continue to move around a little bit, is my one donut and milk going to break the calorie bank and derail all of my exercise efforts? Probably not.
Moderation. This is what I need to focus on learning. Not deprivation as a mental toughness challenge. Moderation as a tool that can help me to achieve my goals.
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